I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
