i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
