you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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