really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
