is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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