Define "chronic" masturbator.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
