Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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