I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
