I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
