don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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