The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
