Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
