I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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