there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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