We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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