hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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