I cockslap morals
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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