Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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