K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
