Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
