I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dick very happy bro
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
