I'm really into asian looking animals
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
