He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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