either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
