I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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