I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
