Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
