My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
