I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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