My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
