They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
