On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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