Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
