Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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