so that wasnt chicken after all
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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