He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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