from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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