While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
