As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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