they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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