You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
