Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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