sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
