I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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