dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
