i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't deserve a penis
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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