so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
