This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
