I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
