Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
