she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
