frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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