Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
