I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
