Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
