i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
