Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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