I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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