girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize