i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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